A-Line April

In Abilene, spring is here. The trees, even the mesquite, are putting out brand new green shoots. The grass is transitioning from dry and dead and soft and fresh. (It only takes a little rain to inspire such botanical optimism.) The males grackles are puffing themselves up, strutting about, and making that awkward call that sounds like they are choking to death (the females seem uniformly unimpressed).

And I'm wearing skirts. Yes, skirts in Abilene in April, possibly our windiest month of the year. You never know when the strong gusts are going to come! What can I say, I like to live on the edge.

While watching The Secret Life of Bees, some friends and I took note of how flattering all those A-line dresses were on the leading ladies. We mused about how pants just aren't as becoming on the feminine form. Why not revisit the days when dresses and skirts were the norm, even if only for a month? And so, the idea of "A-Line April" was born. We thought it a fitting alternative to the annual "No-Shave November" heartily embraced by our guy friends (A-Line April's sort of the opposite for us, really).

For those of you who've known me for a while, you might be thinking, "Does Kelli even own a skirt? I've never seen her wear one." Actually, I have a few... but it does look like I'll have to find a couple more skirts to mix things up this month. Any ideas out there for where to find inexpensive (preferably second-hand), decent, cute skirts here in Abilene? Anyone up for some thrifting?

What Were They Thinking?

This is the graphic of a seasonal sweatshirt I came across in the "local attire/accessories" section of the grocery store a few blocks from my house.

There are several oddities about this sweatshirt. Note first that this winter wonderland sports the odd label "Abilene, TX." (Directly below the snowman.) Never, in my many years in Abilene have I seen a scene remotely close to this. An occasional snowfall, yes. Mounds of the white stuff piling up in drifts?! Uh, no. And are those pine trees and rolling hills??? The only thing anywhere close to accurate is the picturesque church in the background - we've got churches aplenty.

To those of us in Abilene, let's face reality. To those outside, let me tell you what "picturesque" Abilene is like in the winter. Imagine a flat, dusty landscape of dry grass as far as the eye can see, broken only by the occasional barbed wire fence... and I-20. Also, it's the end of February, and while other sections of the nation face wintry weather, our high today was in the mid- to upper-80s. Who is in charge of this seasonal sweatshirt making? Are you mocking us?

The good news, for you Abilenians with a certain kind of humor, is that this rather bizarre sweatshirt is currently 40% off. Need an ideal gag gift for less than $10? This could be the one for you!

An Office Pet

This afternoon, I've spent most of my office hours flitting between grading tests, planning lessons, and writing tests. Throughout the afternoon, I've had a constant companion: a little orange ladybug with 14 spots, 7 on each side. I'm convinced that it wants my job. I lift a test to grade, and it's beat me to the task. I go to pick up my pen - there's the ladybug perched on the tip, perhaps tasting a bit of the purple ink. (In solidarity with my mother, a spunky 4th grade teacher, I prefer to grade in purple... but, alas, with considerably less spunkiness.) As I type this, the ladybug crawls perilously across the keyboard, barely dodging my impulsive key-punching. It just attempted to ascend my headphone chords ("whatcha listenin' to?"), but got scared away by my hair (and, honestly, who can blame it?). Now, it's disappeared... maybe it's responding to those e-mails I've been neglecting. (Well, it could at least make itself useful!)

Okay, back to those tests...

A Week in Review

I've decided to pick 10 highlights from this week to share. In random order (I'm writing them as they occur to me):

1. Completing and turning in my last graduate school application. The process reminded me of why I want to pursue a PhD. And now the waiting begins... (I probably won't hear back from any schools until March.) I've got to be the lamest applicant out there. Maybe everyone feels that way? Yikes!
   
2. I've had lots of time to spend with friends from my church, Hope C of C. We ate meals together, met for coffee before church tonight. I love getting to know them outside of church.
   
3. On Friday night (during one of the dinners mentioned earlier), I got to spend time with kids. At one point, I held the three-year old in my lap while we all talked about our favorite parts of the Harry Potter series. There is nothing quite so sweet as the unguarded affection of a small child.
   
4. As my 9 o'clock class ended on Friday, one of my students said to me, "Your class is too short!" I said thanks! I wondered if he'll feel the same way in a few more weeks and also considered that he's one of those "front row sitters" (therefore likely to say ingratiating things like that), but it's still a comment that I'll treasure.
   
5. This is a more abstract highlight, but more days than not, I've gone to work and come home with a feeling of deep enjoyment and contentment about work. After this semester it will be time for me to move on, and I'll be ready, but I'm enjoying the present.
6. I'm looking forward to Wednesday night church these days. (This is not usually the norm for me - I usually go to build community and endure whatever we're doing in class.) Right now we're studying 1 Corinthians.
7. I talked to both of my siblings, if briefly, for a few minutes each today. I love them.
8. My cousin invited me to her baby shower this weekend in Ft. Worth. I couldn't go, so instead we made plans to hang out next weekend. I'm looking forward to seeing her.
9. This week was full of walks: some solo, but most others with Shannon B and/or Deanna. Wonderful!
10. Media fun: I made a mix for a friend (we always trade mixes on birthdays and I'm about a month and a half late on hers). I think it'll be worth the wait. Also, I've been reading The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs. That deserves it's own post. Finally, the Vicar of Dibley just cracks me up. Especially the nun jokes at the end of the show that inevitably flop.

It's 15 minutes past my bedtime. And since getting around 8 hours of sleep is a highlight of every day, I'm signing off.

A Little Forced...

It's been a long while. I haven't really relished the thought of blogging for a few months - I've sort of been on autopilot. And this probably wouldn't be my favorite way to begin a blogging "come back", but my friend Amy tagged me, and I've decided to cooperate... mostly. :)

4 Things I did yesterday:

1. Ate breakfast and played Settlers of Catan with Shannon and Caryn. (That was yesterday, wasn't it?)
2. Walked to Peet's Coffee to work on syllabi, and found 15 cents on my way (6 coins in different places)! That's 10% of the price of my coffee!
3. Ate dinner with my roommates: a fantastic salad and a glass of red wine. In my mind I call these "kitchen sink salads" because we throw in anything that seems even remotely salad-friendly, and they're always yummy!
4. Watched Clue with roomies Kaylynn and Olivia.

4 Things on my Wish List:

1. Being accepted to a Ph. D. program for the fall.

2. Going hiking as often as possible in the next 8 months.

3. Having a successful last semester of teaching at McMurry University.

4. Learning to play an instrument: maybe the piano or the mandolin?

4 Restaurants I like:
1. Jason's Deli (I love their tomato soup and chicken panini)
2. Sharky's Burritos ("Cilantro, please!")
3. Abuelo's (if only because of the flan)
4. I actually try not to eat out that much... one of my favorite meals is homemade pizza.

4 TV shows I like:

1. The Office
2. Heroes (but I haven't seen any of this season's episodes)
3. 30 Rock (more or less because it's on after The Office)
4. Otherwise I'd rather read a book or watch a movie. But I think I'd really like The Vicar of Dibley - it's on my Netflix cue.

4 People I tag:

Well... my cooperation has its limits. I hate tagging people. (Yes, I'm that person who always broke the chain letter.)

My Office

For those of you who don't know, I'm teaching religion courses at a local college right now. It's my first "real job" - I don't get paid very much, but I do get benefits and don't have any other jobs on the side, so it feels pretty cushy. They even gave me an office. I'm not much of a decorator - the most distinctive feature of my office is... piles of papers on every flat surface. (All of my current and former roommates now sigh, "Big surprise!") But I do have an original Amber Lee piece on the wall and a coffee pot. That's enough to make it feel homey.

The only problem is one over which I have no control: the air conditioning. Based on how cold my work space is, I'd have to say that the thermostat is set on "arctic." The first week of work, I went out and bought a sweater to keep in here. Last week, I finally gave in and brought a crocheted blanket from home that I shamelessly wrap myself in during office hours. When it's my lunch break, I put on the sweater and go to the park - there I remember what it feels like to be warm, even - *gasp - hot! Then I go back to my office and freeze again. (Maybe this is why I've been sick recently...)

Last week we had a cooler spell - for several days in a row we had pleasantly mild temperatures. Thursday I arrived early to school to put finishing touches on my lesson plan and prepare my mind for class. I was shocked to discover that my office was a bearable temperature! The classroom was a little warm, but during office hours later that day I didn't even need my blanket! "This is more like it!" I thought to myself. I was hoping that the change in temperature outside had influenced the powers that be to be a little more reasonable about the thermostat settings. I was so excited.

Then I went to a meeting. They apologized for the heat in the room. It turns out that my office was a tolerable temperature because the air conditioning in the whole building was broken! Boo!

We're back to "arctic" again this week.

In Requiem

Today I say goodbye to an old friend:
This is my favorite t-shirt, which I've had since high my junior year (or so) in high school. (Whoa - that was nearly 10 years ago!) When I bought it at a local thrift shop, it was already soft from years of casual wear. I wore it out. And then, when I finally felt that it was too indecent to wear around, I retired it to sleepwear. Over the years, it's gone completely threadbare - it's so thin that it has runs in it like pantyhose! I've known for about a year that I should really throw it away, but didn't have the heart. Now the runs have become sizable holes, and I can deny the truth no longer - the time has come. Goodbye, old friend - you lived up to your slogan!

Concerning the Labeling of Milk Jug Lids

I am currently employed as a barista at a locally owned coffee company. We go through a lot of milk in the course of a day, especially a lot of whole milk. Recently, I have noticed that our milk providers are intent on insulting us in one way or another through the seemingly innocuous presence of labels on the milk jug lids.

The skim and whole milk have different colored labels and lids. This is helpful, considering that we are often hastily pulling out jugs of milk to fill orders, and being able to recognize color is easier than reading each label. Also, the skim milk jug has the word "SKIM" printed on the top of its purple lid. This is okay, I think, because it effectively describes the contents and differentiates it from other sorts of milk.

This is not the case with the whole milk. In fact, the milk company we buy from can't decide what they'd rather print on the whole milk lids, so there are two different ones. What I find confusing is that the two options that they apparently can't choose between are both insulting.

The first time I noticed this, I was steaming whole milk for a latte, and needed a little extra to top off the steaming pot. Upon opening a new milk jug, I noticed the label on the lid: it said "HOMO." Presumably, this stands for "homogenized," which isn't terribly helpful because most of our milk (whether skim, 1%, 2%, or whole) has been homogenized. (Check out the selection at your local grocery store.) My initial reaction, however, was: "Can't we get some politically correct milk around here?" I'd hate for the customers to feel that our milk lid is calling them such names!

The second label option is better upon first inspection. It simply reads, "MILK." But if you think about it, how helpful is that?! We know it's MILK!!! It's obviously milk. Are they assuming that we need help identifying this as milk?! (Perhaps this is a label to help non-English speakers?) Like the "HOMO" label, this is unhelpful since it doesn't differentiate this milk from other sorts of milk, and it also assumes a very low level of intelligence on the part of the consumer.

I have a theory about why this happens: this particular milk provider puts labels on the lids of their various milk products. Due to the size of the bold, all caps font on the small lid, the label is limited to no more than 4 letters. So, the skim milk simply has the label "SKIM." However, the labels-on-the-lids policy ran into some trouble with the whole milk. Clearly, the best descriptor would be "WHOLE." This word, unfortunately, is one letter too long for the 4-letter standard. So, the milk company was stuck with two rather bad options, which they can't seem to choose between: HOMO and MILK.

My verdict is that they might as well use even more colorful four letter words since their two options are already insulting.

A Random Sampling

One of my best friends called me yesterday to tell me that she's getting married... next Thursday!! (I think she's crazy.)

* * * * *

I spent last weekend in Austin with my sister and her growing family. I was delighted to be present for one of her ultrasounds. My 2 year-old nephew, Quint, and I listened to the whoosh-whoosh-whoosh of his little brother's heartbeat. I'm not sure Quint really grasped what was happening, but he asked us to imitate the whoosh sound for the rest of the day.

While we were in the doctor's waiting room, Quint and I played at the kids' table in the corner. Here Quint displayed his unique skills and interests: cleaning! First, he pulled all the chairs out from the table, and announced to me, "Quint vavoom!" His imaginary vacuum zipped around the little square of carpet under the table. Once his vacuuming was completed, Quint pushed the chairs back under the table, and decided that something had to be done about the tabletop. He picked up the toy sitting on the table and placed it on top of the small bookshelf nearby, meticulously positioning it in the center of the shelf. He discovered that several books were laying on top of the bookshelf instead of on the shelves with the other books. He put them with the other books. Satisfied, he turned back to the small tabletop and began to wipe it with the palm of his hand. "Are you wiping the table, Quint?" "Yeah." The wiping went on for a while - it's obviously his favorite part.

By this time, Janis had finished paying and came to fetch us. As we turned to go, a woman about halfway through her pregnancy, who had been watching Quint's diligent cleaning "game," said to my sister, "I hope my baby comes out that clean!"

He is so my sister's son.

This week Quint and my sister have called me almost every day. Janis tells me that it's gone something like this: Quint looks forlorn. Janis asks, "What's wrong, Quint?" "KeeKee." "Do you miss Aunt Kelli?" "Yeah." "Well, let's call her!" Awww!!! That's enough to make me want to move to Austin and commute!

I'll claim her!!

Guess who was recently named Greater Atlanta Christian School's Outstanding Educator of the Year for the elementary school?

KAY BRYANT

(I usually call her Mom.)

Of course, she didn't have to win an award for me to know that she's a brilliant teacher - it's just nice that other people are taking public notice too! (And now I can appeal to the informed opinions of many others when I broadcast what may otherwise seem to be biased comments about her amazing teaching talents.)

Congratulations, Mom! I'm proud of you!!

awkward

Sometimes I wonder if my social skills will ever recover from graduate school.

Once last semester, right after that final grueling summer of my M. Div., I accidentally introduced myself with the wrong name. I was meeting a friend's (now ex-) girlfriend from out of town. My friend Olivia, one of the hosting our gathering, introduced everyone in the room. She started with me, "Kelli, this is Meredith. Meredith, this is..." I broke in and meant to supply my name as I amiably stretched out a hand to shake hers. The hand was extended successfully, but the overly confident words that came out of my mouth were, oddly enough, "Hi, I'm Meredith." At the same time, that I claimed my new acquaintance's name was my own, Olivia finished her part of the introduction, "...Kelli." Kaylynn, after she stopped laughing at me (it took a while), remarked, "If I didn't know who you are, I would have believed that your name is Meredith. You said it with such confidence." It was a bad day for social awkwardness.

Most of the time my social blunders are less conspicuous, like saying obnoxious scholarly words in ordinary conversation. At one point over Christmas break, I found myself explaining what an inclusio is to a 3rd grader. (That was a low point of my social awkwardness. It just came flying out of my mouth before I could stop it! I'm blaming exegesis, David and Jon for this one. ;) ) This week I ran into some friends at a local restaurant and we were chatting casually when I found the word "culpable" on my lips. One friend kindly mocked me. Really - I don't try to do this - these things just come to mind before other, more commonplace words. I end up feeling like I'm being pretentious... even though I'm not trying to impress anyone.

Bedichek Yourself

Here's the license plate of a dear friend of mine:

It's almost as if someone at the DMV found out that she's a preacher's kid and said, "I've got just the thing for her." It makes me giggle.

Fun in Syriac

I've decided to pursue a Ph. D. sometime in the next couple of years, so I'm auditing a couple of language classes. I'm trying to do a little leveling in German, and exploring a probable field of study in classical Syriac. (German is grunt-work, Syriac is groovy, both are guttural.) The following words were exchanged this morning while we took turns translating sentences from our Syriac primer:

Hesitant student: "I know what I want it to say..."

Dr. Childers: "I've met people in churches like you."

(I giggled and scribbled it in the margins of my notebook.)

A Quiz for Amber

My friend Amber has been complaining that her new friends in California think her Texas accent is so cute. The problem is that she didn't know she had an accent. So, I'm challenging her (and any other curious observers) to take this quiz. Here are my results:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland   "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The Inland North
The South
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

It was pretty accurate for me: I was born in St. Louis (and have mostly retained that accent) but moved to Atlanta after kindergarten (and thus have added useful Southern words like "y'all" and the occasional accidental drawl). What's your American accent?

An exchange from work

I've been working at a locally owned coffee shop, Tuscany's ("tus-CAH-nees" is how my employers insist we pronounce it), since October. The following is by far my funniest exchange with a customer to date:

A teenage boy walks up to the register, his buddies in tow, and orders an artsy coffee drink (we do pretty coffee drinks - it's all about presentation). I take his order, ring it up, and as he digs out some change, I write down his description so we can bring his drink to him when it's ready. When I look up, he's peering down at my messy, slanted script.

"Boy in green t-shirt?" he asks. "I thought you'd just need to write, 'Handsome.'"

Grinning mischievously, I reply, "Yeah, but I want them to be able to find you." (It was just too good to pass up. Kelli with the zinger! That hardly ever happens!)

His buddies yell, "OOOOOOOooooo, she got you!" (I believe high fives were exchanged.) While they're ordering their own artsy coffee drinks, boy-in-the-green-shirt won't leave me alone about his description.

"I'll tell you what," I finally say, "I'll put 'handsome' in quotation marks just to make you feel a little better." He assents and walks away with his buddies.

About 5 minutes pass, and I'm busy washing dishes (we do a lot of that) when my boss walks up to me with a drink in hand and says, "I can't find the guy on this ticket. Who's 'handsome'?"

It’s been a while since I wrote a thoroughly pointless post, so I thought I’d write about this theory that I’ve always had. Unlike most of my theories, this one is actually practical in an every-day sort of way. Also, most people just roll their eyes at me when I insist that I really think this might be true. That’s okay. They can be wrong.

Have you ever noticed that hot liquids seem to spill more easily than other liquids? This is a regular occurrence in my life. Now, it’s true that I’m not the most graceful of girls, and I am prone to spilling things anyway. It is possible that I’m the reason that things seem more “spill-able.” However, this tendency also puts me in a knowledgeable position to speak about spills. You might call me a spill expert.

Having acknowledged my own role in the spilling of beverages both warm and cold, I have the following theory of why hot beverages seem to spill more often than cold ones. Heating a certain item involves speeding up the movement of its molecules. Therefore, hot beverages spill more easily because their molecules are moving faster, rendering them more volatile.

So, the next time you slosh hot coffee onto your shirt during the morning commute, don’t give yourself such a hard time. It might just be those zippy little molecules!

Follow your heart...

Actually heard during the closing announcements at church on Sunday:

Announcer: "We'd like to remind everyone of the upcoming bridal shower for So-'n'-So and Such-'n'-Such at Joe and Jane Doe's house on this particular date. In case you don't know where they live, the address is on screen behind me." [The announcement flashes up on screen with the address.]

Joe Doe pipes up from the amidst the congregation, "That's not the right house number."

Announcer: "Well, you know what the road is - just follow your hearts to the right house."

Wow. New Age meets technology - Our hearts are now internal GPS units. I definitely didn't see that one coming.

* This post is dedicated to Tera. Hang on, girl - just a couple more weeks. ;)

simple tasks

I'm not much of a morning person, and I'm a bit absentminded no matter what the time of day. Put those two factors together, and you've got a recipe for... well, maybe not disaster, but definitely some silly actions. Like the time(s) I put the water filter pitcher back in the fridge empty.

This morning I was preparing to brush my teeth before rushing out the door for my 8 o'clock class. I got out my toothpaste and toothbrush, turned on the water, and looked down to discover that I was wetting the toothpaste tube instead of my toothbrush. Oops.

It made me laugh at myself, so I just thought I'd share!

Roadkill

One day last week as I was driving home from school, I looked at the left shoulder of the road to see a little furry body poised to cross the street at the best time. There was not a soul on the half mile stretch in front of me, with no cars in sight behind me. Crossing the road is the Russian roulette of the animal world - they don't really have the sense to look both ways and think critically about whether to go right now or after the next car passes. Well, this little bunny sized up the situation and decided to take off across the highway when I was about 30 feet away - close enough that I felt like I saw the moment of decision in the bunny's eyes. Fortunately, the bunny ran fast and I slowed down a little bit, so it made it whole to the other side. I drove on thinking, "No wonder there's so much roadkill on this street - they just don't know how to wait for the right moment."

I feel sorry for the animals that lurch unthinkingly into the path of automobiles traveling 70 mph. But they aren't the only ones who do that on FM 600. The people who live on FM 600 are even worse! Regardless of the ample space behind on-coming cars, they feel the need to pull out directly in front of any one who's coming. Sometimes I think they just don't look. Like the rabbit on the shoulder, you get close enough to see the moment of decision in their eyes and "body" language. You begin to mutter, "Don't do it," but before the warning has fallen from your lips they've already pulled into the driving lane at a snail's pace. You slam on your brakes and they look up into the rearview mirror in surprise as if to say, "Oh, I didn't see you there." (How near-sighted are you?!)

I wonder what goes through their minds. "Sure, my 20 year-old, beat-up farm truck can go from 0 to 70 in 5 seconds." Or maybe, "There's just enough space for that person to slam on their brakes before coming through my back windshield. Perfect - I can go." How about: "It's my personal responsibility to make sure that every person on this road is on his or her toes." Or maybe it's more apathetic: "Looking both ways and waiting for on-coming cars to pass is so over-rated." Perhaps it's Calvinism at its most extreme: "There's no point in looking before I pull out - if God wants me to live, I'll live." But I think it's probably more like this: "Zzzzzzzzz..."

Whatever these drivers are thinking (or not thinking), one thing's for certain: they have the same level of defensive driving skills as potential roadkill. Really, folks, let's up the standards here!

Seven Things Meme

Because I appreciate dear Jared so much, I'll participate:

1. Name a book that you want to share so much that you keep giving away copies:

Always We Begin Again, a modern interpretation or meditation on the Benedictine rule by John McQuiston II.

It looks like one of those cheesy little gift books, but don't let appearances fool you. I even give this book away to people who I know don't care about spiritual things because I find it to be wise in a way that transcends religious/areligious barriers. (And it's less than $10.) My poor mother once listened to me read it aloud all the way through. ( I love reading aloud; Mom is so patient with me!)

2. Name a piece of music that changed the way you listen to music:

It's hard to pinpoint exactly, but it was probably "Foolish Love" by Rufus Wainwright (thanks to a mixed cd from Robin Jedlicka). It starts out in slow motion with just a piano and Rufus' slurring vocals for about two minutes. Then there's a sudden change in beat and flavor as new instruments chime in and the song playfully crescendos, and eventually returns the slow motion feel of the beginning of the song. Rufus' musical savvy and poetic imagination create a 5-minute marvel of a song that has altered what I look for in music.

3. Name a film that you can watch again and again without fatigue:

There are many to pick from, but the performances by Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson in Much Ado About Nothing (1993) are among my favorites. They bring this Shakespearean story to life.

Close runners-up: The Emperor's New Groove and Mickey Blue Eyes. I wish I could cite some deeper films, but when it comes to watching a movie "without fatigue," I go for light-hearted.

4. Name a performer for whom you dispend all disbelief:

Hmm... I have a hard time remembering celebrity names. I've already mentioned Branagh and Thompson... maybe Colin Firth?

5. Name a work of art that you'd like to live with:

Nothing famous. Right now I live with prints by two of my friends: "The Joy of Solitude" by Bonnie Buchanan and "Miriam's Song" by Amber Lee. If you haven't seen them, you should come by for a visit! (They belong to my roommate, and I'm glad to live with them while I can.)

6. Name a work of fiction that has penetrated your real life:

Last year it was The Brothers K by David James Duncan. (I get most of my good literature from Tera!) This year... who knows! After my comprehensive exams are over, I might actually get to read something fun!

7. Name a punch line that always makes you laugh:

Me: Did you hear about the butcher who backed into his meat grinder?
You: Uh, no.
Me: He got a little behind in his work! (I laugh hysterically while you roll your eyes.)
Hoo - gets me everytime.

If I must tag someone, I think I'll choose Tera.