02 February 2006

Happiness is...

Yesterday Connie and I were the only ones in the office, so she invited me out to lunch with her. Every Tuesday a group of ladies convenes at Bogie's in downtown Abilene for sandwiches and a Bible study. Once everyone arrived, we went around the circle introducing ourselves. I was concentrating hard on remembering as many names as I could (but I can't remember any of them today).

As often happens during a long series of introductions, somewhere along the way the conversation morphed. At some unidentifiable point in the middle, "state your name and say a little something about yourself" became "state your name and list in no particular order all the ailments of your elderly relatives." I guess that says something about the lives of my new friends. But that's beside the point. What really caught my attention was a peculiar phrase in the middle of a kind, matronly lady's update on her mother's condition.

Maybe you've had a similar experience before - the mental stumble when someone uses some unusual, graphic expression that you've never heard before. There you are smiling, nodding, and listening intently when you suddenly think, "Did I really just hear that?" You continue smiling and nodding, hoping that no one noticed you drop your pickle in surprise (or disgust).

My best guess is that any long time Texas resident has heard this one, but as a Georgia girl it was new to me: "Happy as a full tick." What?!?!?! A full TICK? Instantly a rather unsavory image pops into my mind - no one wants to picture blood-sucking creatures during a meal. And what does that mean anyway? Since when is a tick ever full? As far as I can remember, they're so ready to suck you dry that you have to sear them to death with matches and pry their life-less bodies from your flesh! No, ticks are just never satisfied; it's a terrible analogy! In case you're blindsided by the same revolting turn of speech, I think it means something like, "I'm happy." I recommend not allowing mental images to form, especially if you want to finish your sandwich.

Anyone else out there in Blogland had a similar weird expression experience?

3 comments:

Amber Joy said...

You're hilarious, Kelli!
Yeah, one time I was walking out of a building, and a man holding the door for me asked me how I was - which has really become more of a salutation than an actual question. "I'm fine, thanks.... How are YOU?" (There was my downfall.) He replied, "I'm slick." ["Slick?" I think to myself.] He continues, "Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob."
What?! And that'sssss... good?

Anonymous said...

I thought of your blog in church this morning when I heard this from the preacher: "I'd be as phony as an undertaker trying to look sad at a $50,000 funeral."
-Tracy

Kelli said...

Tracy!!! Wow, I miss you!

That's a great random phrase - I mean, where do they get these? I think preachers use them just to see if anyone's paying attention.

Once an old, redneck painter told my sister that she's "cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon." That was such a good day!