25 January 2008
This morning I've had a flurry of hypothetical questions on my mind. What if things were different? What if my plans included y instead of x? Would (or will) I regret choosing one set of options over another? What am I willing to relinquish? Other than my faith in Jesus Christ, what will I cling to at all cost? Could the call of God in my life be answered obediently in more than one way? Or maybe it's better asked this way: Is God's calling in my life something that is specific or general? (I think God calls some people to specific tasks and others to more general ones - which kind of calling is mine?) Can I live fully, faithfully, joyfully with a different set of circumstances than those I envision? Can I with the ones I'm choosing now?
Some of these questions we answer for ourselves. We get to learn to live into them, accepting the outcome as the end that we chose over other possible ends with the hope that God is somehow in the midst of that process - guiding us, journeying with us. Some questions are answered for us, for better or for worse, and we learn to live with those too. Other questions we can only answer alongside others. Here's where the questions of what we are willing to leave behind and what we will not release become the most complicated and the most urgent to answer.
Such hypothetical questions and the world of dim, hazy possibilities behind them are like planted seeds. They each seem to hold the potential for life that gives way to more life. Given the conditions of soil, water and temperature, some will germinate while others lie forever dormant. For now, the surface of the soil is still smooth - who can tell which fragile shoots will break through?