Last night I had a fabulous time at DPS's house eating dessert after dessert and talking with friends. After Amber and I sloshed home through the rain (thanks for the umbrella, Donald), I decided to do some laundry while reading for church history. The thing I love about doing laundry is that it almost always means I get to "slip into something more comfortable." Little did I know that another force entirely beyond my control was spinning into motion. As I pulled on my p.j.'s, the odds of getting anything done were growing smaller and smaller.
It's not what you might think - I regularly fall asleep trying to make it through all of my reading late into the evening. This time it was something totally different than the norm.
Now, not many of us have an article of clothing that ups our personal charisma and charm by about 1,000%. But I do. Yes, thanks to sweet Shellie, I have the most appealing article of clothing known to humankind. They're fresh and vibrant like brand new blades of grass, soft and sleek like a baby rabbit, warm and cozy like down comforter. If I can be totally honest, they're downright sexy. Once I slipped these babies on, there was no hope of accomplishing anything, except perhaps increasing the devotion and affection of my roommates:
That's right, a simple pair of green socks. Oh, but they're so much more. You know those plush baby blankets that are so soft you just want to engulf yourself in their folds and pull a Rip Van Winkle? These socks are even better. The label on them said, "Socks to stay home in," and I can see why: if I wore these out in public total strangers would want to play footsie with me. Heck, I wanna play footsie with myself! I can't just parade that kind of power out in the streets - I'd get mobbed! Two of my roommates were so drawn to them that they couldn't help kissing my feet. (Really, I'm not kidding. It shocked me, too.) We talked about how magnetic they are for about an hour. It's as if the laws of physics have been turned on their head and now gravity has more to do with soft, plushy material than with mass. I thought about including their testimonials here, but they found it difficult to express the overwhelming influence of the green socks. Even Dorothy would be jealous.
Needless to say, few people will have the opportunity to encounter these little beauties. I just don't want to abuse their power. It's out of concern for your own safety, really.