14 August 2005


Tonight I started reading St. Augustine's Confessions - it's my second shot at this particular work. Last time I didn't quite make it through before school attacked. I'm glad to start over - I think I'm taking a little more time to really "hear" the musings of this honest, seeking, belatedly godly man this time around. Sometimes I do this "binge-reading" thing and skim right over statements which would otherwise inspire.

Tonight I thought that the most delightful thing about Book I of Confessions is the opening prayer. Augustine begins his book - which is really one long prayer itself - with a prayer that seems to have more questions than statements or requests. Moreover, these are answer-less questions, meant more as wonder-filled praise than confused query. Even this quotation, with less questions than the rest, evokes a sense of worshipful perplexity:

"What are you, then, my God? What are you, I ask, but the Lord God? For who else is lord except the Lord, or who is god if not our God? You are most high, excellent, most powerful, omnipotent, supremely merciful and supremely just, most hidden and yet infinitely present, infinitely beautiful and infinitely strong, steadfast yet elusive, unchanging yourself though you control the change in all things, never new, never old, renewing all things yet wearing down the proud though they know it not; ever active, ever at rest, gathering while knowing no need, supporting and filling and guarding, creating and nurturing and perfecting, seeking although you lack nothing. You love without frenzy, you are jealous yet secure, you regret without sadness, you grow angry yet remain tranquil, you alter your works but never your plan; you take back what you find although you never lost it; you are never in need yet you rejoice in your gains, never avaricious yet you demand profits. You allow us to pay you more than you demand, and so you become our debtor, yet which of us possesses anything that does not already belong to you? You owe us nothing, yet you pay your debts; you write off our debts to you, yet you lose nothing thereby.

"After saying all that, what have we said, my God, my life, my holy sweetness? What does anyone who speaks of you really say? Yet woe betide those who fail to speak, while the chatterboxes go on saying nothing."

No comments: